When you see another in want, you repent by persuading yourself he is affluent. To the degree you can believe this truth you bathe in the baptismal prime waters. Only when you act and prove repentance, in performance, are you baptized in the true sense of the word.
In spite of everything you do, have done, or will do, God will forgive you - for you are his emanation, his wife till the sleep of death is past. Regardless of the garment you wear, be it male or female, you are God's wife in this world. In symbolism however, God's wife appears in the form of a female.